| My Perceptions of Misconceptions of Deceptions... |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| Oh, and... |
[13 Nov 2006|11:52am] |
Eli has been diagnosed with early dimentia.
I wanna crawl under my desk and disappear...
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| Friends Only :( Sad Panda Face... |
[27 Sep 2006|09:51am] |
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Bad news, kids. Prying, unwanted eyes have found their way to my humble little Live Journal, and as much as I hate to do this, almost all of the entries from here on out will be Friends Only. (Carlin, I'm sorry...I know you read this, but I can't keep this thing completly public anymore.)
In other news, I kick ass at Air Hockey. Either that or everyone just let me win cause I'm a chick. But I like to think I just rock.
Oh, still other news, for those who know him, I finally got a hold on Aaron Helms yesterday. We drove around and smoked a bowl after I got off work. It was good...just thought I'd let you know.
And still other news, JEWDY is apparently coming home this weekend for a Jew Holiday, can't remember which one. (Am I going to hell?) YAY!
I'm moving Thursday, finally...I haven't packed a single goddamn thing...talk about procrastination.
Enough with the updates, though. Bottom line is, as much as I hate to do this, I do have to make this journal friends only cause...well, it doesn't matter why really, it just has to be done.
So, leave a message on this entry if you're not a friend yet and you want to be, cause I know you all (4 of you) live for my updates. Haha...yeah...
LOVE!
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| Words that fill me quickly and then are slow to drain... |
[10 Sep 2006|10:42am] |
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True Story of What Was - Ani DiFranco |
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Drama, drama, drama. Does it ever go away? Can you ever truly get away from it? I really hope so...
Anyway, things are starting to look up.
Novak's new boyfriend is going to take over payments for the apartment, legally, and I'm going to just move in with my mom. I feel kind of bad for robbing her of her three months of independence, but, I'm her daughter and she's my mother, and she understands. She's actually, in a way, excited to live with me again. And that will start...ASAP.
I've got a little crush...just a little one, and no, I'm not telling. Once one person finds out, its so much easier for everyone to, and I just don't want to go there. Like I said, its just a little crush.
I went to a show last night for two bands from work. Sunday Liquor, who is very reminiscent of Muse. Fun fun! Brand New Victim is quite...hardcore. But they were still good. I went in expecting to just pretend, for Jeff's sake, to enjoy the music, but in the end, I actually did. And that's saying a lot for a chick who rocks out to Simon and Garfunkel.
Tim got super drunk at the show...like, super, super drunk. He wasn't walking straight. He was still fun, though.
And, the best news I have at this point is my "mini-vacation" I'm taking the 21-24 of this month. Thursday and Friday, I'm going to spend in Jacksonville with Carlin. Then I'll drive to Tallahassee Friday night and spend Saturday and Sunday with Eric. Fucking sweet...
Anyway, that's really all my news. I'm feeling better about...everything. Getting all the shit off my chest concerning Novak really made my load lighter. I think that was where most of my tension and unhappiness was coming from.
So, yes...I am a happy, though still somewhat lonely and seemingly friendless, Kelsey.
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| It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls, for the times they are a-changin'... |
[03 Sep 2006|08:29am] |
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The Times They are A-Changin' - Bob Dylan |
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So yesterday was my new brother, Jamie's, birthday (that sounds weird) and my dad, Casey, Jean and I all went over to his and his wife's(?) place for a cookout. He lives in Lakeland, on a big piece of property and he's got a pool and a hot tub and a little lake to fish in.
I got to meet my new little niece, Brianna. She's about 2, maybe three weeks old, and she's actually cute! Most newborns look like...well, they look like ugly, but she wasn't. She's teeny tiny, though. She apparently just passed the 6 pound mark, so that's good.
We had a nice time, though. Swam, ate some steak, and some yummy grilled fruit, went fishing and got attacked by the death squad of mosquitos. Jamie says we're welcome over there anytime, and I think I may take him up on that.
In other news, I refuse to continue to fight for friendships with people that ignore my existence.
( I'm gonna elaborate a little here... )
And I'm giving Novak an altimatum as soon as I get a chance to talk to her. I left her a note the other day saying we need to have a chat. That altimatum is: me, who's on the lease and has a legal and, quite frankly, the only right, to live in that apartment, or her dead-beat boyfriend(s). And if she chooses her boyfriend, I'm calling her mother, if for no other reason than to make sure she knows its not me who owes her last months rent. So we'll see how that goes...
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[27 Aug 2006|08:33am] |
In regards to my last post, the fourth paragraph...make that three times in one week.
If Karma is real, which I believe it to be, I must have really done some terrible things in my sleep that I don't know about. I am just not having a good weekend...or week...or past two months, really.
I may not have my mother's eyes, or her hair, or her skin or body type, but I certainly did inherit one thing: her mental health. Sometimes, I can see so many parallels, and it really scares me. I used to be a rock, but I think I've erroded.
I don't know...I'm just not doing so well these days.
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[26 Aug 2006|11:01am] |
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So...I have apparently done something to piss all of my friends who are in town off, because none of them call me when they say they will, or call me back when I call them. Three, in particular, which is really all there is.
One of them I can kind of understand. That's just what he does. He disappears into his own little world of who knows what and then comes back a few days later like nothing happened. Although, its been going on for a while now, not just a few days. And he was the one who was worried I'd be weird...
The other, in a way I can understand, but it still really hurts me that I'm as dispensable as he's treating me. Didn't we go through the toughest times of both of our lives together? Didn't I stand by him when almost no one else did? And yet, I'm on the bottom of his people priority list these days, even though he can't use the excuse, "I don't have a ride," anymore.
And then the last one really upsets me. I don't think I'm blowing it too far out of proportion, cause twice in one week at least suggests the beginning of a trend, not to mention the fiasco last week. Do I bore her? Do I annoy her? Maybe she just has a lot of better things to do, I don't know. I'm just not used to it.
And I hate being at home, and that's the only place I can go. I hate feeling uncomfortable and out of place in my own apartment. Why did I room with her? Why didn't I see it coming? Why do I have to feel like I'm the bizarre 20-year old, just because I don't fuck a new guy every week and always have to be around a guy? And why do I have to deal with her bullshit "boyfriends" on a regular basis? Why does my home have to feel like a fucking brothel where I'm the whore who's not carrying her own weight?
Goddamnit...
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| Life me up love, from the bottom, up to the top love, Everyday... |
[11 Aug 2006|08:39am] |
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Everyday - Dave Matthews Band |
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Oh Dave, you continue to amaze and amuse me.
He started the show with Pantala Naga Pampa into Rapunzel! Yeah he did! And then to my suprise, he played Hunger for the Great Light. Oh and then...
"I will be your Dixie chicken, if you'll be my Tennessee lamb..." Crash Into Me, baby.
The Idea of You was new, and good. Michelle and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And "down by the bay-YOU!" Louisiana Bayou was fun fun fun! So Right was a nice suprise. There were a lot of nice suprises...just wait till I get to the Encore.
Ou esqe tou va? (Wow...I can not spell in french.) AKA, Where Are You Going, with a long face pulling down? Don't hide away...
You Might Die Trying. To be honest, I could have done without this one, but hey, who am I to complain?
He made up for it with So Much to Say and Too Much, though! And then Jimi Thing, and the Jimi Thing jam man! Rashawn, the new trumpet player, took a little too long to get his groove on his solo, but once he found it, I felt it.
Can't Stop was another new one with Stephan doin' a little bass diddy. It was good.
"Honey, honey...come and dance with me." Lift me up love, Everyday! Its just such a happy, lovey song! Then we were "playing under the table and dreaming!" Ants Marching what?!?
Ok, and then he blew my mind with the encore..."Don't burn the day..." PIG!!!! And Michelle and I were praying for Two Step, but it didn't happen. The next best thing, though, was "STAY!" Yeah he did it!
Its hard to say which of the three Dave shows I've seen was the best. I don't think I'll ever be able to decide. But this year was a good freaking year. No #41 or All Along the Watchtower, but I said goddamn! He played Pig!
In other news...I have a blind date tonight, sort of...eek.
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[07 Aug 2006|10:10am] |
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TWO DAYS TO DAVE MATTHEWS! YEAH!
ZERO DAYS TILL JEWDY COMES HOME! Eat that Jew camp!
And yet...I feel crappy today. I'm irritable and I just want to go home and go back to sleep. My back is killing me, and there's absolutly nothing I can do about it. The only pills that work make me sick to my stomach, I throw up, and then I pass out. And you can't work while you're puking and passing out.
The phone will not stop ringing, and every time it does I want to slam it into the wall.
I think I'm going to cry.
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| I think I'm going crazy... |
[16 Jul 2006|01:33pm] |
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The past two or so weeks have been a total blur of medication and sleep and pain and...absolute boredom.
I fucked up my back two weeks ago today, don't know what I did or when, but when I woke up, I couldn't get out of bed. I think I must of somehow pinched a nerve, or aggravated my herneiated disk, which would in turn pinch a nerve. And so I've pretty much been out of work for two weeks. I'm going crazy...
That's really all, since I have no news because I've been stuck in this house forever. I'm so goddam bored its not even funny...:( And I have no clean clothes, cause I can't carry laundry to and from the laundry center at my apartment complex. Antoher :(. I'm lame right now...
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| Oh and I'm craving, I'm howling, I'm begging, I'm pleading, you're mine tonight... |
[30 Jun 2006|02:01pm] |
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Come Here Boy - Imogen Heap |
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I did a bad, bad thing...
When it feels so right, but every way you try to rationalize it, you always end up at the same conclusion: Mistake! Turn back! Do not enter! Always a stop sign, but I never surrender to my better judgement. I gun it through the intersection right into the oncoming traffic...
And I've got the scars to prove it all...
Oh and I'm waiting, I'm dieing, I'm wanting and I'm needing to show you the slut that I am...
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| We can't fight gravity on a planet that insists that love is like falling, and falling is like this. |
[23 Jun 2006|01:45pm] |
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Falling is Like This - Ani DiFranco |
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I'm so over this. I don't think I'm going to let Novak's boyfriend in next time he comes knocking at the door before she gets there. Tuesday night he completely ruined an episode of House for me. Here's how the conversation went:
Him: "Oh, House, cool. Have you seen this episode before?"
Me: "Nope. Not this one."
Him: "Oh, well..." and then he proceeded to tell me the end of the episode. He's not only an asshole, he's also stupid. Not a good combination.
And then last night, Eric and I were watching a movie, and I had the A/C off cause I don't like to freeze, and about 20 minutes after he walked in, before Novak got home mind you, he just comes out of her room and turns the air on. "YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!"
Anyway, moving on...how do you sit by and watch someone you love and hold very dear destroy themselves? How many different ways can you say, "Please, just stop doing what you're doing." I was laying on his bed last night, and he comes in the room from the bathroom and comes up to me and says, "What do you see in my eyes?" He looked freaked out, so I leaned in and tried to find something that shouldn't be there, and didn't, so I just shrugged and was like, "I don't see anything." And he nodded and turned away and was like, "Exactly..." and started on about eyes being the windows to the soul and there was nothing inside, etc.
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything convincing. I know he's a good person. He's knows he's a good person, he's just self-destructive. And I wish so bad that I could do something, anything, to pull him out of his funk. Ugh...
I always fall for the fixer-uppers. But I fell for this boy years ago...when he was still whole. I don't love him any less, though...I think if anything, I love him more.
I've found a new love in the form of a short, dreaded folk singer named Ani. Oh, Ms. DiFranco...
I can't wait for Jamaica...Mmmmm...
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| The Walk |
[18 Jun 2006|01:08pm] |
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Inside out Upside down twisting beside myself Stop that now Cause you and I were never meant to meet I think you better leave Its not safe in here I feel a weakness coming on
Alright then I could keep your number for a rainy day Thats where this ends No mistakes no misbehaving Oh I was doing so well Can't we just be friends Oh I feel a weakness coming on
Its not meant to be like this Its not what I planned at all I don't want to feel like this yeah Its not meant to be like this Its not what I planned at all I don't want to feel like this So that makes it all your fault
Inside out Upside down twisting beside myself Stop that now You're as close as it gets without touching me Oh no don't make it harder Than it already is I feel a weakness coming on
Its not meant to be like this Its not what I planned at all I don't want to feel like this yeah Its not meant to be like this Its not what I planned at all I don't want to feel like this So that makes it all your fault
Big trouble losing control Primary resistance at a critical low on the On the double gotta get a hold Point of no return one second to go No response on any level Red alert this vessels under seige Total overload Systems down there's no way out We are surrounded Give in give in And relish every minute of it
Freeze or make it forever I feel a weakness coming on
Its not meant to be like this Its not what I planned at all I don't want to feel like this yeah Its not meant to be like this Its just what I don't need Why make me feel like this Its definately all your fault
She took the words right out of my mouth... :(
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| Waitin' for the train that goes home, Sweet Mary, hopin' that the train is on time... |
[11 Jun 2006|01:23pm] |
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One Toke Over the Line - Brewer and Shipley |
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Ahem...SCOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
Moving on...
Our neighbors on the other side of my bedroom wall were having a birthday party last night, and around 11:30, they actually turned the music up, and the bass was so loud that my entire room was shaking, my windows were rattling, and even my bed was shaking a little bit...no fucking joke. So I called my mom and drove over to her place in the middle of the night cause I needed to get sleep, and I'm not about to ruin someone's birthday party. I'm sure Novak bitched about it all night long, though...haha...
And when I woke up, my mom and I snuck into Eli's "Goo Ball Mix" (aka Pot Balls) that he started the night before and each had a heaping spoonfull, and then I came to work and...
Slept for five hours, literally. When Steve got here around 11:15, I took my lunch and passed out at my desk and my manager didn't wake me up until 12:45...it was nice.
And now I'm eating a cuban, and I brought an extra spoonful of "Goo Ball Mix" that I shared with Steve and will finish when I'm done with the Cuban.
That is all. Thank you, and have a good day. This was a weird entry...
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| I'm not a fucking Eskimo/Inuit damnit! |
[05 Jun 2006|09:11am] |
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Next time I see my roommate, here's whats going down:
Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Her: "Not much, you know, I'm a Jew."
Me: "Yeah, I know. So, you need to take the trash out and start pulling your weight around here, cause I'm tired of cleaning up three people's messes all the time. Oh, and are we polar bears? Cause I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night thinking I'm in a fucking meat locker. It does not need to be 68 degrees in here all the god damn time! Unless you and your boyfriend (who's name I can never remember) want to pay for 3/4 of the electric bill and buy me a pile of blankets for my bed, don't fucking turn the AC below 75. You can pay for my cold pills, too, cause I'm sick because of this bullshit. And in closing, did I mention take the fucking trash out?!?"
Adam left a note on her door last night that said, "Hey Jew! Trash Now! Love Adam B." I love Adam.
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| Not now, not ever, no its never a good time... |
[04 Jun 2006|04:36pm] |
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Loose Ends - Imogen Heap |
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You know what I love? Driving don the highway at about 65/70 MPH and having your tire go, "Uhh...you know how I said I'd get you from point A to point B safely by not blowing and shredding? Yeah, I don't feel like it anymore, so..." BOOOM! And then your car goes crazy and you're trying to not die by crashing into all the construction barriers and/or other vehicles, and then once you have your car under control, you have to drive 3/4 of a mile to the exit completely on the rim and then sit on the Bird Street exit for, oh, about 2 hours waiting for the tow truck that should have gotten there "within 15 minutes." Yay for Saturday Night!
Thank god for Eric and Adam. They kept me company. We were gonna try to change the tire ourselves (themselves, really...) but I thought maybe changing a tire on a incline wasn't good, and so we just waited and the tow truck guy changed the tire on the incline, with me in the car.
And then I got up today and spent 5 hours in Tire Kingdom, spent all of my rent money, and was 7 and a half hours late for work. Ain't life grand?
And I want to get laid, damnit. But instead, I am supportive and caring and completely selfless and going crazy. My body was all ready to get it on, and then life happened, and gettin it on was put on hold. For how long, I do not know. I'm gonna be whiney today, I can feel it...
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| Dawgy dawgy dawgy!!! |
[02 Jun 2006|10:03am] |
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Ok, so...imagine me, Michelle, Jewdy, David, and Aaron in a beach house with a bottle of Tequila, Jack Daniels, Grey Goose, Bailey's, and Kahlua. Oh yeah!
As Michelle said, a night of debauchery insued! Butt pictures, Jewdy's gastly gash, "Wake me up before you Go-Go!" Jewdy knows the whole song. DAVID VALDEZ SMOKED THE POTS!!!! Body shots and Michelle pulls my pants down. She also chases me down the hall and tackles me on the tile floor. I didn't know you could get tile burns...7 year old spelling bees what? Indian kid doesn't speak English! "Tersgsivsershwaps..?" Apprently Jamaican's kick ass at spelling words I don't even think exist. The frog had 15 legs, and I'm not kidding. I wasn't still drunk the morning after...
Here is sad news for any who have ever eaten Mexicans at Centro Petebor, aka Bay Walk. No more Mexicans. :(
I can't stand my roommates boyfriend, and he's always around. He's dumb and all he talks about is being drunk. Ok, I get it...you're "cool" cause you drink a lot. Yeah...right. When you smoke in excess, it fucks up your lungs, yeah. That's a given. How about when you drink in excess? Doesn't that, oh, I don't know, fuck up your liver, and aren't you in medical school? You should know that...so shutup.
Soular System is playing tonight at Skipper's and dammit, I'm going! I'll go by myself if I have to, but hopefully Eric and Adam will go with me. Bring on the funk, baby!
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| Mm, what'd ya say? Oh, that you only meant well...well of course you did... |
[29 May 2006|01:28pm] |
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Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap |
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I finally got a copy of Imogen Heap's new CD, Speak For Yourself, and...drool...
If you've never heard of Imogen Heap, please educate yourself. She is half of Frou Frou. You've probably heard her on the Garden State Soundtrack. Well, her solo stuff is, oh...I'd say about a million times better than Frou Frou. And that's an understatement.
So yeah...I've been obsessivly listening to this CD, mostly "Hide and Seek". I still can't believe it took me this long to actually buy it. I think I've had most of "Hide and Seek" stuck in my head for months. I wanna be her...or at least have her voice. Can I steal it like Ursula steals Ariel's in The Little Mermaid? She can have mine...its not that bad, right? Right?
Oh, and WHO WORKS ON MEMORIAL DAY? I think I could count the number of calls I've taken all day on two, maybe three, hands. Or a hand and a foot, anyway. I'm bored out of my freaking mind. So I'm probably gonna color some more after this...
Eric is back in town! YAY! I'm going to see X-Men finally tonight with him, Adam, and Jackie! YAY! (I originally spelled Jackie "Keckis" just now somehow...odd.)
So, in closing:
1. Imogen rocks, listen to her now. (Michelle (from work), you might really like her. Check her out sometime.)
2. Work on holidays sucks...especally when you're not getting Holiday pay.
3. X-Men!!!!! Enough said...
4. MARKERS! HAHA! (Damnit, I'm so fucking bored.)
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| Just DO it! |
[22 May 2006|08:12am] |
Ask me 6 questions. Any six, no matter how personal, private or random, I have to answer them honestly to the best of my ability.
Then in turn, you have to post this message in your own journal.
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| People cease to amaze me... |
[30 Apr 2006|01:09pm] |
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Here's my rant for the year...
So, you know what I hate? When the people in charge of advertising, commercials, print ads, etc (i.e. people who should know grammar and the english language, since it is part of the their job) don't know ANYTHING about grammar and the english language.
For example: UNMISSABLE IS NOT A WORD!! Please do not advertise your trash, or in other words the movie United 93, with words that you made up to sound...what? Cool? Smart? I just don't get it.
Every time I see a commercial for that movie, I pull a chunk of hair out. Or I would if I were a little less stable, but still. I'm sitting here at work, reading the news paper, and I see the word "UNMISSABLE!" in bold, and I almost puked all over my desk. That's right up there with people that mispronounce "Nuclear" or "Real Estate".
Ugh...and I'm not even a college grad! Funny, huh?
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| We'll twist up secret creatures... |
[12 Apr 2006|12:45pm] |
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"Say Goodbye" - Dave Matthews Band |
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So...I didn't write in here forever, and then I found out that I can access this website at work, and now...work is just tooooo boring for this website not to be restricted. Here...enjoy this silly little survey that I can waste half an hour on.
( You've got me wild, turned around inside )
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